SINGAPORE-LING BEHAVIOUR.

We landed in Kuala Lumpur at 11pm and ran straight to Nando's OH MY GOD IT WAS THE SAME MMMMMMMM THE SAME PAIN IN YOUR MOUTH THAT HURTS SO GOOD. That night, having peri-ed our bellies, we headed to Reggae Mansion; a hostel we couldn't afford to stay in but we could afford to drink in. We got our priorities straight baby. There were loadsa people there; some good, some not so. The first appearance of our megababe megafaves T&M was made briefly this evening, and our new friend Willow - quickly and wittily renamed as Grandma Willow - was a lovely chap. In some kinda dramatic Aussie mating ritual he poured hot coals from the shisha on his head, then ripped his tee off (which I promptly threw over off the rooftop, not realising that today 18 year old's see that as a signal to start the striptease) and started humping me and kissing my neck. Lucky me. Oh to be 18 again...

HIGH ROLLIN' AND HORSING AROUND (HAAA) AT MARINA BAY SANDS

Next stop Singapore, where we found the glorious T&M again. In the cleanest city in the world where you get the death penalty for crossing the road at the wrong time and all the clubs close early we decided a Seven Eleven bar crawl was the only way to entertain ourselves. After this proved exhausting - who wants to WALK to get more alcohol? - T&M in their stylish way decided 'fuck it we're going to stay at the Marina Bay Sands Hotel and you kids are coming with us'.

We spent the start of the best day of our lives day at the infinity pool in the sky, floating above all the peasants below and chomping on truffle oil chips. This, dahling, is backpacking. That night we got our fancy on and went to the rooftop club next to the pool. Obvz we were invited straight into Models Corner in the V.I.P section (well when I say 'invited'; my friend snogged the face off the kind Singaporean door man). Here the first man ever on the cover of Singapore Elle, handily English but inconveniently arrogant, brought over round after round of Moët and, at our classy request, B52s and Jägerbombs... safe to say we lowered the tone considerably, lucky the doorman was on side. We raced on luggage trolleys through the ostentatious lobby back to T&M's suite where the models blow-dried and styled our hair and we all dressed as unicorns and had pillow fights bouncing on the bed (just like all the best uniporn begins) 'til sleep came and dawn (Nando's) arrived.

HEY THERE NARCISSUS

 

Thanks Singapore, you were insane. Now we must stop slumming it, get me to the Aussies.